Nance Rosen Blog

Are you playing “dress up” to match the expectations of others? Is there an ever thinning veil, between the real you and the ideal you that you’ve invented and are now struggling to project?

Are you still clenching to maintain the “first date” behavior code with recruiters, your boss or clients? Is your armor cracking (or scorching, if you saw Iron Man 2)? Is it becoming clear that the emperor (or whatever title you hold) has no clothes?

How did you get in this mess?

You pretended to be detail oriented, self-motivated and an early riser. You pretended to be an advanced user of Excel, Final Cut, Wordpress and Spanish. You said you were willing, in fact eager, to work weekends, late nights or be on call 24/7/365.

Are you faking it in hopes that you will be making it sometime soon? Are you keeping the lid on your volcano of real strengths that are now screaming to be exploited while you ply your trade with your weakest suit?

Or have you simply outgrown the persona you still attempt to play by being underemployed or dys-employed or just phoning it in?

What is the naked truth about who you really are and what you really want to do?

The closer you can get to the true you, the happier and richer you will be. Richer: as in making lots of money. Happier: as in rich in every way: spiritually, mentally, physically and once again, financially.

Why? To have phenomenal success in any field or even with any project, you have to have unstoppable, intrinsic and sustainable motivation. Problems have to appear as puzzles that you are delighted to decode.

A deep vein running through you must declare: I would do this even if I won the lottery. I might wear better shoes or drive a cooler car and take way better vacays, but I would still be doing “this” for work, for this company or my own company, and my clients, or whatever the “this” and the “who” are for you.

A lot of us have names for your Highest Goal (Michael Ray), your Sweetest Fruit (Laurel Mellin) or Ultimate Outcome (me). These are just labels for your IT. What is IT? IT is the thing screaming to get out of your mind or body and put onto this planet. It is the truth you may be hiding from yourself, as well as others.

Here’s my embarrassing truth. I am someone who needs other people’s dreams and ambitions in order to be self-actualized. I am meant to help, encourage, find the right way, take the first bullet, stay up all night to get it done on time, and make the most money possible for the people I work for.  I respond so easily to the red light on the camera because I believe I am helping the audience. I teach for the same reason. In fact, it’s why I write to you each week.

My clients often write “thank you” in the memo of their retainer checks.

If I were a dog, I’d be a golden retriever – a working dog that loyally runs into the rushing waters of a cold river to get the stick and get it back to you. Simply put, my personal brand is this: I am a helper, with vision and grit.

If we stripped away all the varnish (and that’s the nice word for it), what is your naked truth?

Planet Earth is 71% water. Take a skinny dip into it, baring your real personal brand.

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“I have testicular cancer,” the late flooring supervisor told me. I don’t mean late as in dead. I mean late as in 4 weeks overdue to put the last bit of my office floor in, and now at 10 PM on Saturday night, culminating three days of “I’ll be right there,” just arriving at my office. That kind of late.

To woo me and blow smoke at me over the last 4 weeks, the supervisor had spun tales of putting in Tom Cruise’s floor, being called to an “emergency job” in Oregon and the ever popular refrain in this town: the “traffic is really heavy on the 5 (freeway, I’m in LA).” He has just arrived: angry.

Why he’s angry, I shouldn’t know because I’ve already paid him and it’s just the last 300 feet in a 6000 square foot job that went undone because he failed to measure right. But, I actually do know why he is angry at me.

When people make a mistake they have two choices about whom to hate: you or themselves. Statistically, it’s not a coin toss. The odds are rigged against you.

The biggest fear I have in business is someone else not doing their job, not because it won’t wind up done by them (or me or someone else I pay double to do it on a rush), but because they are very likely to get angry rather than apologize and do the right thing. In fact, that scenario is pretty much the only time anyone is angry with me.

So if you’re angry, I pretty much know you didn’t do something you promised.

However, the testicle defense? Very original! At first, I thought perhaps his testicles in some way kept him from showing up this morning. It so happens that I’m a woman so how would I know? I’m not a doctor.

In fact, it turns out he had another job also unfinished, located in Palm Springs (probably due to finish last year) and he thought he’d “get that out of the way” before driving up 5 hours to see me.

So what time zone was the “I’ll be there a 8 AM Saturday” zone when in reality he planned to be 400 miles away from me? It wasn’t the US Pacific Time Zone. I was here waiting for him in no special time warp; just 8 AM Saturday. And, as the clocked ticked away time? No supervisor. No flooring. But throughout the day, lots of calls to negotiate a new arrival time – hence he shows up at 10 PM.

Here’s what happened. The supervisor was angry that I failed to greet him like a conquering hero bringing me chocolate and parachute silks. When he read my tired face as: “I’ve been up for 15 hours today and now will be up another 5 while you finally do your job,” he said: “It’s not even worth it for me to put in the floor. You are already unhappy. And, I have testicular cancer.”

So he threatened to withhold my flooring while waving some kind of testicle defense. My response? Remember, I have an unfair advantage in these circumstances: I communicate for a living. I teach people how to communicate with difficult people. Here’s my response:

“You and I are dying before each others’ eyes, aren’t we?”

He let a tear drop out of his eye and silently (hurray!) went to work (finally!).

Personal brands: what excuses are you giving yourself to underperform?

What happens to the personal brand you are trying to build, when you pull out a dopey, lame and TMI (too much information!) response to someone’s well deserved rebuke of you for what havoc you wreaked in their business or life?

We all are living to die. That’s the deal here. You get to make the reality you live in. You get to choose from an infinite spectrum of behaviors and words to describe what you are doing right, and what you are doing wrong.

It’s your choice that matters; it’s what defines you as a personal brand. Not some myth called reality. It’s all perception of you and by you.

Here a tip as you lay the foundation of your personal brand.  Lay down a track of self-talk that soothes you when you make a mistake and gets you back the self-control that saves you from yourself.

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On Saturday afternoon I visited a posh salon in Los Angeles. The place and the people were way cooler than I am but hey, a friend gave me a referral card worth $25 off a haircut there.

It was a lot like I imagine heaven must be. There were endless cappuccinos, people speaking French and an air that everyone is fabulous in that West Hollywood-Beverly Hills kind of way.

In fact, Meryl Streep was being adored next to me, and she deserved it. She emanates a lightness of heart and liquid grace that previously I associated only with crème brule. Creamy goodness.

And, because everyone in the salon was fabulous, someone recognized me from CNBC and told me how fabulous I am. I suspect they Google you before you come in to make sure that if there’s even a hint of celebrity in your body of work, you are celebrated for it. The woman stopped short of asking for my autograph and I stopped short of asking Ms. Streep for hers. My “fan” did press her contact information on me, actually onto my iPhone.

I came away from the experience with my hair several shades lighter and much, much shorter. My bank account was clipped just under $500 (with the $25 off). C’mon, I had to buy the products, because everyone there was doing it, and they are fabulous. I was thinking for a moment that I was fabulous, too.

Here’s where the story takes an ugly turn.

Swinging my shiny new do, I drove to the new building we’ve renovated with just 20 hours to go before the soft opening and about 100 hours of work to do on it. There was paint on coving running around the perimeter of the space, sticky stuff on the bathroom floors, six thousand feet of recycled rubber flooring to vacuum and mop. At 6 PM, it was just the CEO who’s launching this business and me. All the workman, sub-contractors, even the cleaning people had called it quits before it was quitting time. That is if quitting time means the job is complete and the deadline met.

In one last desperate SOS, I offered $50 to two workers scurrying away. I only did it because we needed two ladders to put up the sign, and without theirs, we had just one.

So at 3 AM on Sunday, I dragged myself home and finished the welcome packages, lined up everything to go, and wrote myself a checklist. At 5 AM I crawled into bed. My mind raced back through the day – did I have everything we needed for the opening just 5 hours away?

And in that mental back tracking, I remembered the posh salon, Meryl Streep and the moment of fabulousness.

I doubt Meryl went back to a building and scrubbed floors. Even the woman who played the part of my fan must have enjoyed a more elegant day. Almost everyone had, I felt sure.

But, no matter where they dined or wined or went for amusement, I don’t know that anyone had a better day than I did.  There is something life affirming about digging deep when you are so tired it is impossible to go on, and go on. There is something outstanding about finding the one person, and he’s your partner, who works alongside you and does all the heavy lifting (literally).

Personal brands: don’t quit before quitting time. Stay and get it done. Then, double check your work. Don’t go to bed without making a checklist for the next day. In front of the door, line up all your files and briefcase. Locate your keys.

Successful personal brands much like all star athletes: play tired, play hurt and play as if it’s the last game of the regular season with a championship tournament slot on the line.

That’s how Meryl Streep does her craft and career. I just build companies and wash floors.

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I spent the weekend in bootcamp at UCLA with dozens of amazing people who all were wrestling with their personal brands.  I was their wrestling coach. I was also, at times, their opponent, referee, fan in the stands, hot dog seller, beer purveyor, mother, sister, aunt, and confessor.

I could not be more humbled by their bravery and vulnerability – and their affection for each other, and me.

All of us were strangers on Saturday at 9 AM. All of us were planning our first reunion by Sunday at 4 PM.  This is evidence that the opportunity for collaboration can result in both our finest and oddest moments.

Finest in that we find our true purpose in life when we are group goal oriented. Really odd, in that personal branding seems by nature to be a solo – not team, sport.

What we each accomplished for ourselves is developing personas that are “different in a good way” from our competition. This is the pure play definition of positioning – the marketer’s dream in a competitive environment.

I told everyone to keep a “key learning” journal during camp – a way to capture the “aha!” nuggets that erupted, leaked or somehow emerged as the exercises, lectures, examples and interactions widened our focus and narrowed our legitimate claims on space in our professions, industries, sectors and so on.

The greatest aha moment for me came after I drove off campus early Sunday evening, to dash over to the big, empty space that by May 3 will be my company’s new headquarters. This is now: gaping holes, half-finished walls, primer instead of paint put up and the detris of construction activity – like tools I don’t know the name of. As I sat on a stack of wallboards waiting for my partners so we could make some decision about paint colors, I was the one thing I had not been for days: alone.

My “aha” moment is this: you and I need a safe and nourishing place to ask and answer the really big questions in business. When the defining nature of the business involves personal branding, I am surprised that meditating alone or any type of navel-gazing isn’t very effective. What I now know is this: there is something magical or primal about real human contact. Being with our tribe magnifies our intentions. We seek to make meaning when we take on the responsibility for making ourselves clear to our tribe mates.

This is true even when our tribe is formed ad-hoc, without our qualifying each other, judging each other or knowing anything about each other except that we are all here to do this one thing. In our case, it was defining our personal brands on day one and then tactically planning our brands’ social media campaigns on day two.

How could we each have accomplished so much in such a short time? Is it immersion? Is it competitiveness? Is it the sense of other people in the dark, seeking light?

I think amazing self-revelation demands an audience to share it. Only when you hear the sounds of other earnest voices, the rustling of other’s thoughts been scratched onto real paper with pen, and see others picking out color chips in combinations that would never come from your mind’s eye, do you understand yourself.

I cannot let it go unsaid that having world-class examples and experts as guest lecturers took us all to the summit. Thank you @KarlKasca, @MollyJoRosen, @FrugalDivaAlert Susan Kessler and Jon Weiss Torerk at BioMechanix.net as well as all the personal brands that came and were made.

You made “camp inward-bound” in a lecture room at UCLA as exciting as the “outward-bound” one that has legendary status. We did not just survive the challenges, we thrived because of them and each other.

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Micromarketing is a weapon in the arsenal of most every big brand that distributes products to your supermarket. For example, the flavors of Philadelphia brand cream cheese available in the dairy case differ, depending on what your zip code eats the most.

That means in my local Ralphs, I can’t find smoked salmon flavored spread for my bagel. Apparently, not a sufficient number of my neighbors find it appealing. But I can drive 10 minutes to a sister store in another neighborhood, that stocks plenty of it.

Personal brands, via social media you enjoy an easier, cheaper channel to YOUR highest consuming audience: people who crave and consume what you offer.

Music marketing expert Bobby Borg recently interviewed me for a sliver of the tribe he leads: indie hip-hop musicians with no budget for marketing. Because his people are so committed to their art and so intensely focused on connecting with their audience, he gave rise to my own same intensity for his people. At a past life in business, this serious consulting was once reserved only for big brands and their highly paid consultants. A sliver of our interview  is on Bobby’s channel.

Unfortunately for most of us in business today, our perspective about success is tainted by the pejorative snorts that someone is “big fish in a small pond.” You’ve heard these joy killers’ snarky pronouncements. These couch sitters deride the gymnast who won her country’s competition, and fails to medal in the Olympics. They snarl: “Well she was a big fish in a small pond, but she can’t compete on the world stage.”

Personal brands: Don’t be afraid of being called a big fish in a tiny pond. It is what all successful people are doing.

The web is comprised of a zillion slivers of the market, aka special interest groups. Each sliver is either organically or commercially created. And, unlike a country’s citizens who feel enraged that special interest groups drown out their voices, their sentiment about being in a special interest group is totally different.

What’s so powerful is these social communities provide the perfect forum for you to express your personal brand, lead some portion of your tribe, and at the same time be embraced by advertisers who want to reach the same people you do.

Sunday’s New York Times Magazine devotes a full page-plus to describe the unbelievably rich veins running through one such group. It’s almost impossible to imagine the deep engagement, unshakable loyalty and commitment to sharing ideas within the community they focus on: NaturallyCurly.com.

The site is a perfect icon for micro markets, and a hugely teachable moment for personal brands.

Who knew curly hair was the huge self-identifier for such a disparate group of people? The depth and breadth of relationship curly-haired people have with their hair, and with like-burdened or blessed among us, surpass any demographic, psychographic, lifestyle or behavior that market research trained brains could previously imagine. But we know by the web behavior of the curly-haired: the frequency of their interactions, comments, tips and product evaluations, that this is a defining characteristic for a significant group of them. Obviously, if your personal brand includes a philosophy, tonic, or other reason to seek a leadership position in this tribe of the curly-haired: you’ve hit pay dirt.

Personal brands seek, listen, and lead these relevant slivers. We now see demonstrated and repeated studies that show people with a passionate interest, who have self-identified with a subject, cause, personal issue or a zillion other micro characteristics of their lives, are hungry for the ties that bind them together.

Ignore the naysayers who scream, “Stick the landing” when their national hero falters in the face of world competition. Don’t act as if you only are hugely successful if your being or brand is broadcast to more than a billion passive people.

For example, joyfully create and accept offers for YouTube or Blogtalkradio. Great personal brands treat seriously any opportunity to deliver their messages on a defining point to the silver of people who get shivers or giggles just by its mention.

Come on into the small pond, the water’s fine.

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The longest emails I write take the least time. The shorter and thus, more powerful my note, the more I weed whack out unnecessary words. The more time I have to prepare, the better and shorter my presentations. I’ve had a year to plan my Personal Branding Bootcamp at UCLA coming April 17-18. Are you ready to pump up your brand at warp-speed?

Personal branding is all about using your audience’s time wisely. Mark Twain once famously wrote at the bottom of a letter to a friend, “Sorry, I would have written a shorter letter if only I had the time.” Twain’s personal brand is carefully tongue and grooved, wise and wry toned words that evoke vivid pictures in our minds. As a renowned wordsmith, Twain laments the lack of time to edit a letter, which begets the apology to his friend.

Do you unfairly take up more time than you need? Do you owe someone an apology for over-communicating?

In last Sunday’s Los Angeles Times, author Christopher Sorrentino laments the job of trying to respectfully and faithfully edit his deceased father’s last novel, left as an unpublished manuscript with just a few cryptic notes in the margins. Christopher describes his search to find clues that would reveal how his father, the brilliant author Gilbert Sorrentino would have edited the work himself. As the son stews about the chore, he remembers his father’s guidance on editing his own writing. The advice was consistently: “First revise by deletion.”

Do you see words as reasonably rationed foodstuffs, as they are in wars or during disasters? Or, do you see no difference between sweet, delicious bananas and their inedible thick peels? Are your emails a lot like a careless fruit salad with the peels, cherry stems, apple cores and one ripe bit of cantaloupe mixed together?

Personal brands: is that how you are communicating?

Communication is the one aspect of business and life we all engage in, and thus might not seem like the single most critical element of personal branding. It’s easy to underestimate the magnitude of power you wield with your words.  Words are your weapons, giving you the chance to advance yourself or land on a grenade.

To make the case for communications’ ubiquity: consider that underwater scuba instructors and traffic cops in busy intersections use hand signals to get their message across. Even a mime is trying to communicate he’s stuck in an imaginary box or walking an imaginary dog. These people hone elegant and streamlined gestures, as if their means of communicating were rationed.

You and I probably have more conventional jobs, where we speak or write easily and often. Plus, we have Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and a panoply of other public forums to prove what compelling, empathetic, brilliant, and interesting personal brands we are.

That is the rub, so many places to communicate and so little time. The less time you take, the messier the message you deliver.

Great personal brands may tweet or update their status as often as 25 times a day, or even more. Unless you have settled on an authentic brand presence and can deliver on it regularly, we see and hear what you’re like when you are smart, savvy, funny, lonely, angry, cranky, crabby, snotty, snobby, sad, silly, sweet, sentimental and sassy.

The cure for sloppy over-communication? Personal brands take more time to plan what you say.

Consider putting together an editorial calendar for yourself, perhaps choosing to focus on building your brand presence around one topic that is the centerpiece of your blog. Choose a consistent tone that comes naturally to you. If you’re funny, you don’t have to make us laugh every time. If you’re hip, you don’t have to wear the gladiator shoes in every photo. But, plan to deliver on your brand promise as often as possible.

And to quote the sign above the mess hall in Italy where my father served in the Air Force during WWII, “Take what you eat and eat what you take. Food is ammunition.” Thus personal brands, are your words.

That is the rub, so many places to communicate and so little time. The less time you take, the messier the message you deliver.

Great personal brands may tweet or update their status as often as 25 times a day, or even more. Unless you have settled on an authentic brand presence and can deliver on it regularly, we see and hear what you’re like when you are smart, savvy, funny, lonely, angry, cranky, crabby, snotty, snobby, sad, silly, sweet, sentimental and sassy.

The cure for sloppy over-communication? Personal brands take more time to plan what you say.

Consider putting together an editorial calendar for yourself, perhaps choosing to focus on building your brand presence around one topic that is the centerpiece of your blog. Choose a consistent tone that comes naturally to you. If you’re funny, you don’t have to make us laugh every time. If you’re hip, you don’t have to wear the gladiator shoes in every photo. But, plan to deliver on your brand promise as often as possible.

And to quote the sign above the mess hall in Italy where my father served in the Air Force during WWII, “Take what you eat and eat what you take. Food is ammunition.” Thus personal brands, are your words.

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