Posts Tagged ‘communication’

The New TLC: Trustworthy, Likable, and Charismatic!

Wednesday, December 16th, 2015

22087247_sGet ready for a shock to your ego. You may be the most reliable, congenial and caring individual – but it don’t mean a thing if you don’t have that zing! By zing, I mean that magnetic power some people have to light up a room with their personality. Charisma.

For a long time, we’ve known that prospects and referrers are drawn to people whom they find trustworthy, likable and caring. There’s an old adage:

No one cares about what you know, until they know that you care.

It’s true. People like other people who seem to care about them, as well as those who share the same values, goals and perspectives. For your current clients or employer, you want to project trustworthiness, likeability and caring.

But TLC (trust, likability and caring) turns out to be necessary but not sufficient if you are building your business or career and need to really connect with people.

A recent scientific finding proves charisma is more important than any other quality. This may explain the current presidential candidate polls, because charisma doesn’t equal telling the truth or appealing to people’s higher morals and values. It just means ….. what?

What exactly is charisma, from a scientific point of view?

Being fast with responses to questions, both general and specific. Appearing to be quick witted and able to almost effortlessly express your point of view is what magnetizes an audience to you. And, if you know my work, “audience” is the word I use for anyone or ten thousand “anyones” you’re speaking to.

But, where does that leave those of us who need time to think before we speak? Frankly, it leaves the less prepared in the dust. When it comes to remembering and liking someone, the winner is almost always the person who has the ability to speak up on-the-spot.

That’s why I invented “trigger talk” for myself, and my clients who are in a myriad of fields but need to impress others with their competence and attractiveness. Trigger talk is perfect for the 99.5% of us who are not good at improvising, but need to make a great impression with our personal brands.

Trigger talk is simply 25-50 phrases or sentences that you prepare and practice before you need them. For example, job seekers should expect to hear: “So tell me about yourself.” If you’re not prepared: that long silence before you speak up isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s a killer mistake. The same is true for conversations about the topics of the day, or those specific to your business or industry.

The success of my clients has proven that charisma is not the star quality that only a few are born to have.

Just take the time to create your own trigger talk. Start with the news of the day, your favorite way to spend down time or why you are seeking that new job or client. Then get together a brief sentence or two on each topic that matters to you. Trigger talk makes for easy conversation – and an even easier road to the top!

 

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Are You from Another Planet?

Wednesday, June 17th, 2015

ASK-QUESTIONBefore you talk to a recruiter or hiring manager, ask yourself: “Am I from another planet?” Because you might be, when it comes to expectations, environment, hierarchy, and all sorts of corporate culture.

The number one reason why most people lose out on bigger salaries, plus a moving allowance, expense account and even a down payment on a house is?

You don’t know to ask for it.

If the “planet” you’re from has a culture that includes “don’t ask for more than we think you deserve,” you are leaving money, benefits, and perquisites on the table.

Your current planet might be a business where you are working, or it might be your family culture, where you never understood how much money came in and where it all went.

If you are a second child, your “family planet” has really compromised your asking ability.

After all, your eldest sibling had the “first mover advantage.”

A second child’s life is lived like you’re behind Microsoft, Apple, Oakley, Iron Man and Henry Ford’s Model T. The eldest child naturally has a winner take all mentality.

If you fall anywhere behind the eldest, you got trickle down everything. Clothes, bedroom furniture, books, music, computer, video game console and pie (or whatever dessert was left over after numero uno was full). Stuff just trickled down on little lucky you.

Of course, your life might not have been that harsh. And, you might be the eldest or only child (like the great majority of US astronauts and presidents).

If you are the eldest, you got treated either too well or too harshly.

The parental units either doted on you or cut their teeth on you.

If you’re an only child, you have been on your own planet for too long. You might lack empathy, patience and agreeableness. That makes you a great mergers and acquisitions executive, but a difficult employee all the way up the ladder to that post.

The truth is: no one has it easy interviewing at a new company. It’s a new planet. You don’t know what to expect. It’s hard to get ready for the unknown.

I worked at seven major media companies and Global 2000 corporations. Each one was a planet onto itself. Some had less gravity, thinner air, and way better perqs. Some had more gravity, thicker air and way less of everything else.

When I became a consultant, I realized that I was on a different planet with every phone call, meeting and strategy session. The ability to recognize that old rules do not apply, is imperative to your success. The ability to read the landscape and the people on it is mission critical.

My advice to you is “stay in the moment,” when you are in conversations with people you do not yet know.

Do not go forward with your old mindset.

You cannot imagine what is so much better and how to get it – if you persist in believing that you know how it is everywhere. And, you won’t know what to avoid, if you’re coming from a happy place and into a darker one.

A basic rule: ask for more than you think you deserve. Ask for a moving allowance. Ask for car service. Ask for a down payment on a house. And, if you think the company’s going to go places, get stock.

What is your biggest salary negotiation question? Ask me and I will answer. Email: Nance@NanceRosen.com Subject line: Salary

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Surprise! 90,000 Gifts for You!

Saturday, December 27th, 2014

109742942Why would anyone want 90,000 gifts for Christmas or whatever your seasonal holiday is? Not even the greediest person would want 90,000 gifts, right? Not even the #1 person on Santa’s list, the nicest person who deserves the best of the season’s bounty wants 90,000 gifts. So where on earth is someone getting 90,000 gifts?

You are. It’s the gift you give yourself every single day.

You think just about 90,000 thoughts on your average day.

That means you have 90,000 times every 24 hours, when you have the opportunity to congratulate yourself, give yourself a pep-talk, and share encouraging words in the inner sanctum of your own mind.

You know the terrible truth?

You hardly ever use those 90,000 opportunities to say such nice things to yourself, about yourself or anyone else.

Most people use their 90,000 chances to speak badly to themselves.

In fact, many experts believe you haven’t had 90,000 positive thoughts in the last decade or more. That’s why you’ve been told to write up a gratitude journal. Take 20 minutes a day to meditate on compassion. Do a little yoga. Get more sleep.

We keep reminding you that negativity is the source of much of your physical and emotional complaints. It’s happening more than you think. It’s happening during most of the 90,000 times you muster up a thought.

That’s 90,000 times to feel stress, worry, self-doubt, anxiety, fear, anger, frustration, irritation, discontent and downright rage. That’s what is filling up most of the space in the grey, wrinkled mass between your ears. And, if negativity is anything like interest in a bank, these tiny increments are compounding exponentially.

Your mind is the single most important place on the planet, but you probably haven’t done much to save it. Your probably treat it much more like a recycling plant than a power plant.

Your mind could be the place of self-love, creativity, generosity, invention, wisdom, optimism, and resilience. It could be generating joy, mastery, success and abundance. It could be filled with directing actions toward highly desirable goals.

So give yourself the gift of good thoughts. Make your season bright.

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Why You Must Act Like A Jerk

Tuesday, December 9th, 2014

173854947You know all those people you think are jerks for being louder and pushier than you? Here’s a shocker. They get what they want, way more often than you do.

Compared to those who are less straightforward: people, who emphatically say what they want, get what they want more often. Not because other people are intimidated by these so-called jerks. But because other people understand in no uncertain terms exactly what these jerks want.

So, these folks aren’t jerks. They are just really clear about what they want, and certain they need other people to know it. That’s how they get attention and action in their favor.

Say What You Mean = Get What You Want.

What happens when you FAIL to say what you mean, and fail to speak up in terms that are explicit, clear and emphatic? You actually diminish the chance you’ll get what you want. When you are vague, oblique or otherwise understated about your goals? The statistical likelihood of our agreeing to it goes way, way down.

If you pussyfoot around an issue: that’s like giving your audience – a boss, recruiter or colleague – instructions to do more of what you don’t want.

Here are some examples:

If you want recruiters to hire someone else: don’t ask for the job during the interview.

If you want to receive no raise or bonus this year: don’t ask your boss for a specific amount.

If you want to do a massive amount of work alone until way past midnight: don’t ask your co-worker to stay and help you with a specific task.

That’s the key. You must be specific.

You must also speak or write in an authoritative tone.

And you must give unambiguous instructions.

That’s how what you say becomes what you get.

For example, Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant report on persuasion guru Robert Cialdini’s experiment on saving a forest.

When signs were posted with warnings that people were stealing petrified wood and irreparably damaging the forest, stealing wood increased dramatically. Then new signs were posted that said: Don’t Steal Petrified Wood. Stealing dropped dramatically.

Whatever your issue – it pays to be a jerk. That is, if you define being a jerk as saying what you want and getting it.

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Why You Need a Lifeguard to Get a Promotion

Tuesday, October 21st, 2014

stock-footage-newquay-cornwall-england-september-rnli-safety-surfboard-on-beach-lifeguard-walks-past-onNo matter where you live and where you want to work, there’s probably an ocean between you and what you want. No, I don’t mean the vast body of water that covers 71% of the planet. It’s not that you live in the UK and want to work in the US. Not that kind of ocean.

It’s the ocean of thoughts that swim around your brain. Constantly circulating thoughts, feelings, and past experiences.

These include the hurts, insults, misunderstandings, false accusations, lack of validation and other debris leftover from all the people who ever spoke to you unkindly – accidentally or intentionally. All the efforts you made that went unrewarded. All the dreams that couldn’t be sustained, in reality.

This internal pollution typically isn’t visible at the surface.

I know. I have an ocean, too. I’ve had to dredge it, sift it, cleanse it and recirculate it. It’s actually part of the work I do regularly, along with checking my calendar and making my bed. It’s a daily ritual. So, when I speak to you, my ocean is clean and clear. That freshness allows me to simply say what I mean. Ask what I need to know. Listen to what you say. Hear what you mean.

In almost every interaction, I see all the old trash that litters the present consciousness of the person I’m speaking to.

Largely, this is my job. I am a communications and career coach. When you speak, I listen for what will move you forward and what is holding you back. If my ocean of thoughts were littered with the remnants of uncomfortable past experiences, I would not have a clear mind to help you read yours.

While you may rarely speak to a communications coach, most everyone else you speak to knows what I know, just in a different way. They sense that something is wrong with you. They might think you’re unqualified, overqualified, defensive, evasive, irritable, moody, inconsistent, unreliable, nervous, rude or just nutty.

If you have not succeeded, it’s largely because you are sinking in your own ocean. The undertow keeps you from being entirely present and clearly engaged with the people and opportunities around you. That’s what’s cluttering up your communication and stopping people from trusting you, liking you and caring about you. That’s why they are reluctant to hire you, promote you, award you a raise, invest in you and otherwise help you get where you want to go. It’s why you’re stopped, stalled, irritated, and find yourself stuck with “difficult” people. It’s why you don’t get a response to your resume or calls, it’s this sense that you’re somehow not “right.”

The fix? Get yourself a stack of index cards. With every negative thought – like a desire to complain, procrastinate, challenge authority or otherwise undermine yourself – take a card and write it down. Then ask yourself: “Who first told me that?” “Who gave me this impression of myself or the world?”

Do it now and never stop. Oceans need lifeguards. You are yours. If you want more tips on this, email Nance@NanceRosen.com. Subject line: Ocean.

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Take The Long Way Home – Here’s Why

Tuesday, October 7th, 2014

lifestyle-rbu-woman-coffeshop-with-tablet-photo-largeIf you always do what you’ve always done, you’re probably going to get what you’ve always gotten. Job seekers and other people with vision or ambition can’t afford to waste a moment of their travels. Even the ordinary commute can be changed-up to increase the potential for a positively life-changing connection.

Two little rules: Take out your ear buds and make eye contact. And, one biggie: practice a ready hello and a simple greeting that telegraphs you are friendly.

Mine is: “Hello and how is your day going?” That’s my personal take on my number one most recommended trigger talk for people who want to expand their network. If you’re not familiar with my communication system, I help people develop lots of simple, easy to remember bits of conversation so the toughest things in life are on automatic. Like meeting new people.

Trigger talk is something you choose to say that’s natural for you. In this instance, it’s a simple question that’s all loaded up in my brain’s “Look: a new person!” file. That’s what I mean about a phrase being “on a trigger.” The sight of a new person triggers my brain to do a specific sequence, no decisions (hence no hesitation).

When I see a new person, I have an overpowering, reflexive mechanism that makes my eyes smile, and pops these words out of my mouth:

“Hello and how is your day going?”

Trigger talk can get a lot more complicated. In presentations, you may have whole portions of product knowledge or success stories on trigger.

But, this greeting is the fundamental building block of communication. It works to increase your network. It’s not amazing, difficult or otherwise expert-level communication.

I thought a lot about the power of my greeting, and what I want people to know about me right away. With my greeting, I’m telegraphing a little kindness, a little curiosity and a little openness (all parts of my personal brand). Once you like your greeting, practice it by saying it aloud; imagining the everyday situations where you find yourself with strangers. The grocery store. The train. The walk with your dog. A new lunch place. You get the idea.

Your greeting is like your business card; it should reflect your brand.

Go where you have not been before. Greet.

I’ve had all kinds of people answer me. Some famous, some less famous and some went on to become my clients, employers, employees, investors, partners, vendors and friends.

It’s always enlightening when they respond with some specific details about their day. At that moment, my job is to just listen. My brain is trained to check its file cabinets to see if I’ve got anything stored that connects with what they’re saying. Sometimes, I don’t. So my follow-up trigger talk pops out, typically one of three choices.  “Wow, that’s a lot.” “Wow, I’m glad to hear it.” Or “Wow, I’m sorry it’s not a great day.” That “wow” gives my brain time to process what I’ve heard, so the right thing comes out of my mouth.

About 20% of the time, I hear something that sounds like a good tidbit that a colleague, client or my company might want to interact on. I’ve heard:

“I just made my first big sale!”

“This commute is killing me. I’m thinking of getting a helicopter.”

“I need to spend less time eating and more time getting back into shape.”

That’s three potential leads for three different business people I know. A “wow” plus one or two more sentences: and we exchange contact information.

How can you implement this today? If you normally take the 8:15 train, take the 7:50. If you work at home, pick another destination for your travels. Walk to the far end of the biggest park, or traverse 10 big city blocks and get on a bus to make it back home. Get your bagel at a different stand.

No matter what else is going right or wrong in your life and career: know this. Everyday you have the opportunity to say the one thing that can change your life.

You can always create the opportunity to meet someone new. Do it five times a day, and my odds say you’ll have one new contact worth pursuing, profiting from or perhaps referring and (earning good deeds points).

Take the long cut.

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If You Can Do This, You Win

Tuesday, September 30th, 2014

thumbsup1What does everyone want more of?

Think about the power you would wield, if you knew the answer. What if you knew what everyone secretly and truly wants? What is it that they’re not saying aloud to anyone, but keeping as a dark secret?

Go one step further and imagine if you could DELIVER what everyone wants!

Now here’s news that’s disappointing but not surprising. According to the New York Times, you can simply Google “being more” and find out the answer. So many people have typed: “being more …” into this search engine, that Google autocompletes “being more” with these top three answers:

1. Being more confident

2. Being more assertive

3. Being more productive

Do you have one of these “being more” goals? Do you want to be more sure of yourself? Do you want to be a better advocate for yourself? Do you want to get more out of every hour you dedicate to work?

These are the top three things that most people want. So, it’s likely you do as well.

However, the real use of this information is not for your own navel-gazing. The most beneficial insight is how you can use this knowledge about what other people want to develop rewarding relationships with them.

No matter what you do: frame it with these top three goals in mind. Discuss what you do in terms of confidence, assertiveness and productivity. Don’t define yourself by what you actually do, or the features or functions of your product or service that deliver results.

For example, a dentist isn’t selling his ability to fill cavities – instead he’s selling confident good looks. A prospective intern isn’t offering to help with social media – instead she’s offering to assert a company’s message to prospects, customers, media and investors. A business consultant isn’t recommending a new project management system – instead she’s boosting your productivity or the productivity of your workforce and systems.

What happens when you speak in terms of what other people truly want? What happens when you offer to deliver one of the three things they rarely admit to needing?

Simply put: you win.

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Why You Should Do the Worst First

Tuesday, September 16th, 2014

using-laptop-in-dark“My dad taught me an important lesson. If you rehearse every maneuver ahead of time, people don’t panic when things get really intense.” So says, Peter Hancock, CEO of AIG when discussing how competitive sailing led to his management philosophy.

The worst is likely the last thing you want to think about when you are preparing for a job interview or new business meeting. It’s the last thing you want to imagine before going on camera or leading a presentation. And, it certainly isn’t how you visualize each day at work, when it seems everything is going all right.

But, on any given day in any given circumstance, it pays to be prepared. Not simply ready. Prepared for everything around you to fail.

I recently graduated a group of young managers from my Global Marketing course on campus at UCLA. Thirty presentations in three hours, including switching out presenters, finding PPTs and making sure the technology stayed up. We almost made it. Then, the last presenter came up at 9:50 PM. It was Umut, the gentleman from Turkey who graciously had taken the final spot because he had my permission to go a bit longer than the others. In the middle of this stellar visual display of a new product introduction into a foreign market: bam. Lights out.

Are you prepared for things to go all wrong on your big day?

That day could be a big job interview. Your pitch meeting with producers. The ship date for your trade show exhibit.

Imagine your big day. Gone terribly wrong. Are you ready?

Do you have a back-up plan? Do you have a back-up plan to your back-up plan? Have you rehearsed exactly what you will do?

Our presenter did. Umut took his laptop and his index cards. He faced the laptop toward us, sat on the table with it and used the light to see his cue cards. Turns out it just lit up his face, because his eyes stayed focused on us.

He smiled. Of course, he did. Umut had given that presentation in the dark for the last seven days. Right before he went to sleep, he rehearsed. He practiced during the day, while he was driving. In those rehearsals, no visuals supported his narrative.

Whatever matters to you: first rehearse for the worst. Prepare as if no one else could help you, support you or save you. Rehearse for the intense times, when someone else might panic.

As I watched Umut present I could only think how lucky we were to listen to him, and how lucky his future employers will be.

Luck might be the meeting of preparation and opportunity. That’s the opportunity to succeed when others might fail. What display of mastery, confidence and calm should you be rehearsing for right now?

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