What Your Lack of Personal Intelligence Costs You

November 18th, 2014

Sad-person-at-desk1When people think about lowering their bills, a lot of small purchases become suspect. Your daily Starbucks habit, at $32 per gallon if you calculated it that way, is an easy mark. A lot of people cut the cable, start eating most meals at home and buy a space heater rather than warm up the whole house.

It’s always a good idea to take a look at where you are throwing money away, and cut back where you can. But the real savings isn’t in these incremental differences between small, affordable luxuries and no luxury at all.

Stop thinking small. You’ve got a much bigger expense hiding in plain sight.

Your lack in personal intelligence is costing you a fortune.

Your lack of self-understanding and self-worth is what undermine your salary, when you accepted less than what you deserved or needed. A raft of mistaken beliefs about yourself created your blind spot, which obscures your future prospects.

You likely have never even seen someone with personal intelligence. Most people are walking around with an unexplored consciousness, so how would you have known what you are missing?

On a daily basis you fail to leverage your largest asset – what you have made of yourself.

Every one of us is self-made.

That truth often brings groans of dismay from my audiences. After all, if you can’t blame your boss, your co-workers, your student loans or anything else: who gets responsibility for what you fail to achieve or reap?

Sure other people have undervalued you and even trash-talked you. After all, like your first language: you had to learn it somewhere. Typically your disconnection from yourself starts at home when you’re young – not because your parents were malevolent. It starts because they worry for your safety, your health, your happiness and their own peace of mind. They communicate all that or simply fail to praise you, for as long as you are present there.

Then, when you leave, you never leave behind the self-image you built there. You are filled with self-doubt, worry, and a general lack of self-confidence, because you rarely if ever heard anyone say:

Wow! You are the best. You are loved. You are right.

Unbury the treasure that is you. Here’s how to start.

Yell STOP, anytime you’re giving yourself a dose of negativity. Yes, you can “yell” silently. Read stories about people you admire and compare yourself favorably. Yes, you and Angelina Jolie are both concerned about helping people. Yes, you and Lady Gaga both look good in a wig. You and President Obama like to enjoy bourbon now and then.

When you consciously raise your estimation of who you are, you raise ours. With that reappraisal, you raise your prospects for compensation, promotion and opportunity.

More from Nance…

You can find Nance on
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter

Start Your Naughty List Now

November 11th, 2014

good_versus_badHow could it be coming on the end of the year? Where did this year go? Is that how you feel?

Are you looking back and thinking where did you go wrong?

Do you have a sense that this year could have been so much bigger for you?

If you are looking back with some regret, with lingering doubts that you did your best: there is a solution.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year to PLAN for the coming one. Take out a big sheet of paper and mark down the milestones you will reach. Write down the actions that you must get to. Imagine what can happen when a fresh new calendar is awaiting you.

There’s only one catch. You must acknowledge what you meant to have happen this year. You have to account for what got in the way. It’s time to write an annual naughty list, so you only reward and move forward with the nice.

If you want to avoid repeating the same patterns that led you astray from your goals, it’s time to take a hard look at what- and who – didn’t work for you this year.

I am sorry that blame has become a synonym for self-righteousness. It’s ridiculous that we don’t value pinpointing the people or processes that were the inflection points of failure. I dislike the trend that no one bears any responsibility for water that has gone over the bridge, milk has been spilt and dreams have been dashed.

I prefer to look failure in the eye and get really granular with who got in the way. Of course, sometimes it’s just the woman (or man) in the mirror.  But, sometimes it was a friend, partner, boss, client, or subordinate who just made progress too hard.

This is a good time to ask:

  • who got in your way?
  • Who needs to be crossed off your holiday gift and email list?
  • Who needs to be reassigned and taken out of your collaboration circles or team?
  • Whose opinion needs to be unsolicited this coming year?
  • Who dropped the ball, took too much time and otherwise just didn’t perform?

If you are going to be an A player, you need to be with A players. You can be friends with everyone, but your closest circle needs to be red hot with motivation, aspirations, and the ability to work hard – especially when the road is rocky.

Take a quiet moment. Make your assessments. Use your judgment. Then decide what next year is going to be made of – including the people and processes on which you will depend.

Then give thanks you, get another year to do better and go bigger.

More from Nance…

You can find Nance on
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter

Today’s Very Bad Rap On Millennials’ Reputation

November 4th, 2014

BA-BB758_Millen_G_20130426235731Harvard University Institute of Politics reports that most Millennials will not bother to vote in the midterm elections. According to Fox News, Millennials are too busy “looking hot” or “depending on the government” to vote, and they should be discouraged from going to the polls to vote for their interests.

Millennials? Could this be true? The generation who experienced the 2008 economic collapse perhaps harder than any other, along with the unending costs of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? You are going to be no-shows at the polls? The Millennials  – who will suffer the legacy of those decisions for the rest of your lives – you are NON-voters?

In perhaps the oddest reaction to the potential power of the Millennial vote, Fox News hosts have been actively discouraging young women from going to the polls for the midterm elections. Fox News host Jesse Watters referred to female Millennials as “the Beyoncé voters, the single ladies.” In an unanswered slur to young women, he said, “You know, they depend on government because they’re not depending on their husbands. They need things like contraception, health care, and they love to talk about equal pay.”

“The Five” co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle discouraged young women from participating in elections and serving on juries. “Young women on juries are not a good idea,” she said. “They don’t get it! They’re not in the same, like, life experience of paying the bills, doing the mortgage, kids, community, crime, education, health care.”

States are taking away voting access from urban city dwellers and students at universities away from home. They have moved polling places out of densely populated areas where young people tend to live, and into suburban areas where the family-centric voters are.

This bad rap on Millennials’ voting is intolerable.

You are being run off and counted out because your interests don’t jive with those who have already gotten theirs – and don’t want your voice heard. There’s fear about your potential to vote your interests.

Most Millennials need fair and equitable pay for yourself. You might need a strong working class and middle class, if for no other reason than these are the folks who buy stuff. You probably need clean energy and investment in infrastructure: because when the old folks are gone, you will be breathing the air, drinking the water and crossing the bridges and roads that are now crumbling. You’ll be living out whether radical climate change is science or not.

Don’t believe the bad news about yourself. Show up and vote your interests. It’s what the old folks did in their day, and they shouldn’t have the last word on your future.

More from Nance…

You can find Nance on
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter

Fear Your High School Reunion!

October 28th, 2014

School reunion concept.Last Saturday night I was the “plus one” at a high school reunion, where people were frankly in shock. It had been 30 years – 30 years! – since they’d all been together at Lakeland Regional High in Wanaque, New Jersey.

How will you account for three decades that start the moment you begin life, without adult supervision?

How will you explain the lapse of time between now and when you did or didn’t get into your first choice of college, maybe started spending student loan money like you’d never have to repay it or just up and started working or maybe drifting?

One thing for sure. Be careful of getting a job. You might look up 30 years later, waiting for retirement to kick in. Working at a big box store or whatever you land at 18 can be addictive. When you’re too young, the feeling of money in your pocket never gets old… until you do. Then in 30 years you wind up faced with the lives of adventurers and risk-takers, and you’re in the mirror with the same old, same old.

Imagine walking into a hotel ballroom with a deejay playing the soundtrack of your teenage years. Will you still be schlepping your high school sweetheart around the floor?

Imagine the tyranny is over. The dominance of jocks, the secrecy of nerds, the relentless buoyancy of cheer squad and the brotherhood of hipsters smoking in the parking lot – all behind you. (Actually, the hipsters will still go out into the parking lot to smoke.)

Here’s what I observed in place of these old roles. You become a person over 30 years. You drop the attitude, the chip on your shoulder, and the previously endless scrutiny of who’s hot and who’s not. Instead you remember so much, so fondly. Everyone talks to everyone. There are hugs and tears and the whole group dancing badly on the dance floor, in some strange geometric shape that simply means “we survived!”

Fear your high school reunion. Let that motivate you to live a life with stories to tell, adventures you’ve had and failure that taught you resilience and perseverance and came with a big dose of optimism.

You’ll probably be wrinkled, fat, bald or looking older than you ever thought possible. But, it’s all good if happened with the excitement of life experiences.

Now get to work on living – really living! You’ll need stories to tell.

More from Nance…

You can find Nance on
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter

Why You Need a Lifeguard to Get a Promotion

October 21st, 2014

stock-footage-newquay-cornwall-england-september-rnli-safety-surfboard-on-beach-lifeguard-walks-past-onNo matter where you live and where you want to work, there’s probably an ocean between you and what you want. No, I don’t mean the vast body of water that covers 71% of the planet. It’s not that you live in the UK and want to work in the US. Not that kind of ocean.

It’s the ocean of thoughts that swim around your brain. Constantly circulating thoughts, feelings, and past experiences.

These include the hurts, insults, misunderstandings, false accusations, lack of validation and other debris leftover from all the people who ever spoke to you unkindly – accidentally or intentionally. All the efforts you made that went unrewarded. All the dreams that couldn’t be sustained, in reality.

This internal pollution typically isn’t visible at the surface.

I know. I have an ocean, too. I’ve had to dredge it, sift it, cleanse it and recirculate it. It’s actually part of the work I do regularly, along with checking my calendar and making my bed. It’s a daily ritual. So, when I speak to you, my ocean is clean and clear. That freshness allows me to simply say what I mean. Ask what I need to know. Listen to what you say. Hear what you mean.

In almost every interaction, I see all the old trash that litters the present consciousness of the person I’m speaking to.

Largely, this is my job. I am a communications and career coach. When you speak, I listen for what will move you forward and what is holding you back. If my ocean of thoughts were littered with the remnants of uncomfortable past experiences, I would not have a clear mind to help you read yours.

While you may rarely speak to a communications coach, most everyone else you speak to knows what I know, just in a different way. They sense that something is wrong with you. They might think you’re unqualified, overqualified, defensive, evasive, irritable, moody, inconsistent, unreliable, nervous, rude or just nutty.

If you have not succeeded, it’s largely because you are sinking in your own ocean. The undertow keeps you from being entirely present and clearly engaged with the people and opportunities around you. That’s what’s cluttering up your communication and stopping people from trusting you, liking you and caring about you. That’s why they are reluctant to hire you, promote you, award you a raise, invest in you and otherwise help you get where you want to go. It’s why you’re stopped, stalled, irritated, and find yourself stuck with “difficult” people. It’s why you don’t get a response to your resume or calls, it’s this sense that you’re somehow not “right.”

The fix? Get yourself a stack of index cards. With every negative thought – like a desire to complain, procrastinate, challenge authority or otherwise undermine yourself – take a card and write it down. Then ask yourself: “Who first told me that?” “Who gave me this impression of myself or the world?”

Do it now and never stop. Oceans need lifeguards. You are yours. If you want more tips on this, email Nance@NanceRosen.com. Subject line: Ocean.

More from Nance…

You can find Nance on
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter

What You Don’t Know About Yourself is Shocking

October 14th, 2014

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-finger-pressing-escape-grey-computer-keyboard-white-image30894333This coming weekend, I give the only personal branding boot camp on campus at UCLA. There might be a seat or two left, so if you are in Los Angeles, you might want to come. Why?

If you have failed to get the job you love or you are failing in the career you thought you would love, there’s only one reason. You lack the one thing that flips the switch of real, deep, sustainable success. That one thing is personal intelligence.

Sure, in camp we’ll go over the amazing new changes on LinkedIn, Instagram and the social media you’re probably stabbing at for several years now.  I say stabbing, because most people are killing their careers and their future relationships by what they post. And, I don’t mean killing as in “you’re killing it.” I mean you are either dying by a thousand paper cuts or doing more direct and severe damage with your pics and posts.

It’s not the obvious ones, like pics of your dancing with a bear naked in Cabo. Take those down.

What’s killing your career is the lack of deep insights about yourself. And, how the lack of that shows up in your pics and posts.

Your lack of empathy, sympathy and congratulation is shocking.

No, not for other people. For yourself. Think of that the next time you look at a keyboard and see ESC. Think: Empathy, Sympathy and Congratulations for yourself.

ESC – “escape” is what personal intelligence is.

To be successful, you must escape from the judgment of others. Escape the old messages and unfair expectations pressed upon you.

It’s shocking, isn’t it? That you successfully went to school, or maybe dropped out, and got into the working world, or maybe have not, all without a single day devoted to getting to know who YOU really are and what YOU really want.

So, I’ll be at UCLA this weekend, October 18 and 19, with my campers in a safe and nourishing place, to lead that discovery and watch success being birthed.

It’s a big highlight of my year. I am so thrilled and beyond honored to say to my campers: the next phone call you get can change your life. So, it’s worth the time to know what you want. As the Spice Girls and I say: what YOU really, really want.

More from Nance…

You can find Nance on
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter

Take The Long Way Home – Here’s Why

October 7th, 2014

lifestyle-rbu-woman-coffeshop-with-tablet-photo-largeIf you always do what you’ve always done, you’re probably going to get what you’ve always gotten. Job seekers and other people with vision or ambition can’t afford to waste a moment of their travels. Even the ordinary commute can be changed-up to increase the potential for a positively life-changing connection.

Two little rules: Take out your ear buds and make eye contact. And, one biggie: practice a ready hello and a simple greeting that telegraphs you are friendly.

Mine is: “Hello and how is your day going?” That’s my personal take on my number one most recommended trigger talk for people who want to expand their network. If you’re not familiar with my communication system, I help people develop lots of simple, easy to remember bits of conversation so the toughest things in life are on automatic. Like meeting new people.

Trigger talk is something you choose to say that’s natural for you. In this instance, it’s a simple question that’s all loaded up in my brain’s “Look: a new person!” file. That’s what I mean about a phrase being “on a trigger.” The sight of a new person triggers my brain to do a specific sequence, no decisions (hence no hesitation).

When I see a new person, I have an overpowering, reflexive mechanism that makes my eyes smile, and pops these words out of my mouth:

“Hello and how is your day going?”

Trigger talk can get a lot more complicated. In presentations, you may have whole portions of product knowledge or success stories on trigger.

But, this greeting is the fundamental building block of communication. It works to increase your network. It’s not amazing, difficult or otherwise expert-level communication.

I thought a lot about the power of my greeting, and what I want people to know about me right away. With my greeting, I’m telegraphing a little kindness, a little curiosity and a little openness (all parts of my personal brand). Once you like your greeting, practice it by saying it aloud; imagining the everyday situations where you find yourself with strangers. The grocery store. The train. The walk with your dog. A new lunch place. You get the idea.

Your greeting is like your business card; it should reflect your brand.

Go where you have not been before. Greet.

I’ve had all kinds of people answer me. Some famous, some less famous and some went on to become my clients, employers, employees, investors, partners, vendors and friends.

It’s always enlightening when they respond with some specific details about their day. At that moment, my job is to just listen. My brain is trained to check its file cabinets to see if I’ve got anything stored that connects with what they’re saying. Sometimes, I don’t. So my follow-up trigger talk pops out, typically one of three choices.  “Wow, that’s a lot.” “Wow, I’m glad to hear it.” Or “Wow, I’m sorry it’s not a great day.” That “wow” gives my brain time to process what I’ve heard, so the right thing comes out of my mouth.

About 20% of the time, I hear something that sounds like a good tidbit that a colleague, client or my company might want to interact on. I’ve heard:

“I just made my first big sale!”

“This commute is killing me. I’m thinking of getting a helicopter.”

“I need to spend less time eating and more time getting back into shape.”

That’s three potential leads for three different business people I know. A “wow” plus one or two more sentences: and we exchange contact information.

How can you implement this today? If you normally take the 8:15 train, take the 7:50. If you work at home, pick another destination for your travels. Walk to the far end of the biggest park, or traverse 10 big city blocks and get on a bus to make it back home. Get your bagel at a different stand.

No matter what else is going right or wrong in your life and career: know this. Everyday you have the opportunity to say the one thing that can change your life.

You can always create the opportunity to meet someone new. Do it five times a day, and my odds say you’ll have one new contact worth pursuing, profiting from or perhaps referring and (earning good deeds points).

Take the long cut.

More from Nance…

You can find Nance on
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter

If You Can Do This, You Win

September 30th, 2014

thumbsup1What does everyone want more of?

Think about the power you would wield, if you knew the answer. What if you knew what everyone secretly and truly wants? What is it that they’re not saying aloud to anyone, but keeping as a dark secret?

Go one step further and imagine if you could DELIVER what everyone wants!

Now here’s news that’s disappointing but not surprising. According to the New York Times, you can simply Google “being more” and find out the answer. So many people have typed: “being more …” into this search engine, that Google autocompletes “being more” with these top three answers:

1. Being more confident

2. Being more assertive

3. Being more productive

Do you have one of these “being more” goals? Do you want to be more sure of yourself? Do you want to be a better advocate for yourself? Do you want to get more out of every hour you dedicate to work?

These are the top three things that most people want. So, it’s likely you do as well.

However, the real use of this information is not for your own navel-gazing. The most beneficial insight is how you can use this knowledge about what other people want to develop rewarding relationships with them.

No matter what you do: frame it with these top three goals in mind. Discuss what you do in terms of confidence, assertiveness and productivity. Don’t define yourself by what you actually do, or the features or functions of your product or service that deliver results.

For example, a dentist isn’t selling his ability to fill cavities – instead he’s selling confident good looks. A prospective intern isn’t offering to help with social media – instead she’s offering to assert a company’s message to prospects, customers, media and investors. A business consultant isn’t recommending a new project management system – instead she’s boosting your productivity or the productivity of your workforce and systems.

What happens when you speak in terms of what other people truly want? What happens when you offer to deliver one of the three things they rarely admit to needing?

Simply put: you win.

More from Nance…

You can find Nance on
Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter